Wednesday, March 12, 2008

What you can do to help

Of course you don’t need to do anything at all to help me. But as this is the most frequently asked question, and I am now about to begin treatment, here are some suggestions. Many thanks to those who have already helped during my “mentally impaired” part of this disease!

The two biggest categories that people can help with are food and kids.

“Food” primarily means providing dinner for my family so I don’t have to worry about that. My family includes 3 adults and 3 kids: Ethan, age 5.5; Martha, 3, and Sarah, 1.5. We have no allergies and like just about anything; “kid food” is not specifically required. You can cook for us if you’re local, or order take-out or arrange for pre-made meals that I just have to pop in the oven from the freezer. I’ll post a few nearby take-out options on the links section shortly.

We live near Newton Centre, MA. Email
chayward@gmail.com for our address.

“Kids” primarily means babysitting or playdates for Ethan and/or Martha. My kids are all in full time daycare and after-school care during the week, so the need to entertain them and let Colin and I rest is greatest on the weekend.

I will also appreciate company to act as amateur nurses when I’m expected to feel sick. Many relatives and friends have already volunteered to visit and I’m working on coordinating those.

As this whole treatment is a marathon, not a sprint (i.e., it takes a long time, and as it goes on you only feel worse), I ask that you consider spacing out your help over time. If 10 people decide to surprise me with a hot dinner at my door on the night of the first chemo or surgery, while that is very kind it’s also not the most helpful!

To help coordinate the helpers, I’ve set up a Google Calendar on which you can view what kind of help is already planned. We’ll update it with meals offered, playdates, visits, etc. To access the calendar, go to the bottom of the right hand column of this blog. Click on the “Google Calendar” plus sign on the bottom right corner of that box to be taken to a separate Google page with the calendar. Then email me (
mhayward@rcn.com) or Colin (chayward@gmail.com) with what you’d like to help with and when, and we can answer any questions. If the calendar isn't working for you, feel free to just email or talk to us directly as well.

Other ideas are good luck / encouraging cards, emails, rides to treatments, fun head coverings, trashy celebrity magazines, iTunes gift cards (to buy The Office as my colleagues got me a video iPod for treatments), or any other kind gesture… and don’t forget to pray for me, cross your fingers, not step on the cracks on the sidewalk, send warm fuzzy vibes, or whatever else you believe will make Chucky go away! Also keep in mind that this is a very difficult time for the rest of the family as well; they will appreciate any extra TLC too.

p.s. If you haven't yet, post on my “Neflix Queue” comments section from February!

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Martha!!!!

Aaaaaaaaahh!!!!! I am SO happy that there is no spread - that is FANTASTIC news and bodes really well for the next 50 years! The soreness from the sentinel node biopsy will go away gradually; warm/cold/warm compresses work wonders!

I am also excited that you're at mass general - they have such a great reputation and the trial makes perfect sense - you are an excellent strong candidate and are doing us all a wonderful service undergoing it!

More power to you sistuh! I'll give you a call next week to see how you are and will definitely check out the google calendar to see what I can do.

Oh! Remember to bring a camera to the treatments!!! It's an amazing journey to document -- maybe you could make a Blurb (blurb.com) book of the whole thing!

Many good warm powerful vibes -
Lisa Renery

Anonymous said...

Martha,
Thank you for helping us, your friends, get organized to help you. You're already in our prayers...and you WILL conquer this.

Rachel said...

Hat size, please!

Unknown said...

Thinking of you on Monday (St. Pat's Day!) as you go for the first kick butt of Chucky treatment. Be strong sweetie - Love Carrie

Anonymous said...

Just a little note from the other side of the globe,to tell you, that you are in our thoughts and that we follow the progress of your treatment through your blogg. Unfortunately,since we are so far away that's not much we can do to help except encourage you to stay strong!!!!
There's a saying here in Sweden that you can keep in mind
and that's s follows:
After a long cold winter comes always a warm spring-summer!!
So, look forward, because after this dark time, you can look forward to happier times.
Take care!
Lots of love and hugs from
Britt-Liz and Dad

Professor Elaine Lewinnek said...

Wow, Martha, I'm just catching up with this news. You are the most stupendously well-organized cancer patient I can imagine. This is an impressive blog. I wish I was in Newton so I could bring over some casseroles and set up some playdates -- but I guess I'm just going to have to settle for finding you an interesting wig. You sound like you're doing incredibly well, considering 3 kids plus chemo treatments. I'm honored to know you, and I'm keeping you in my prayers, and I am absolutely certain that you will survive this.