Haircut with a side of emotional distress

It’s been an exhausting week. I now know it takes an entire week to recover from Cisplatin, the first chemo drug, as I am just today feeling normal again, albeit still a little tired. And since I’m told chemo has a cumulative effect which can get worse over time, it’s a good thing the treatments are currently 3 weeks apart. All last week I was basically very tired, and somewhat queasy, though the nausea medicines worked fairly well on that end. I don’t even know what I did on Tuesday and Wednesday, life was just a blur of naps, pills, saltwater & baking soda mouth rinsing (yuck, by the way), and mom occasionally bringing me jello. I do know I was an emotional wreck and feel bad about being so crabby with my family. The weather was cold and rainy which certainly didn’t help matters.

I blame part of the emotional exhaustion on the anxiety of sitting around waiting for my hair to fall out. I’ll admit that my hair is my primary vanity item, and it really sucks to think I’ll be bald soon. Most likely it will start coming out 2-3 weeks after the first chemo, so 1-2 weeks from now. In order to retain some kind of control, on Friday morning I got a transition haircut. Mom, Ethan, and I went to a salon to have my ponytail cut off. I only had 9 inches, one inch too short for Locks of Love, but fortunately the stylist told me about Pantene.com which accepts 8 inch ponytails so I can still donate it in order for sick kids to get wigs. My new haircut is a bob, short in back and almost chin length in front, cute enough while it lasts. I’m now adjusting to the back of my neck being cold all the time. Mom took pictures which I’ll post shortly. Little Martha keeps asking me why my hair is short, but Ethan gets the concept. We’ve been reading some kids books on cancer to help explain.

On Saturday, Colin and I went to see a wig specialist to order my “scalp prosthesis,” as it’s called in order to make insurance pay for it. Matching the color is the hardest part, and of course nothing was exactly perfect, but we found something that we think will be close. The style is basically short around the back and a bit longer on top, with bangs, since I want to be adjusted to short hair for when it grows back. My main problem with the style is precisely that – it looks like hair that’s styled. In reality, I’m not a person who would spend a long time blow drying and froufing my hair, so anything that looks like that’s been done just screams “fake” to me.

On the weekend Colin set up the trampoline that our neighbor handed down to us, so he and the kids had a great time bouncing all over the place and not breaking their necks yet. We had a nice Easter with egg hunt, sugar high, and lovely roast cooked by mom. She left yesterday evening so I am now on my own during the day, but don’t worry, I’m doing okay right now. Next visitor / nursemaid arrives Friday, from Australia, to stay for 3 weeks, just in time to take care of me after the port procedure.